The m0vIe of My Life

hello there! i was watching some videos through youtube.com and i remembered something. its a song by KHIA and i've been listening to this song since i was in my last yr of high school. i dunno if you guys remember it but i hope that you do. enjoy!!

hi guys! eeehhh... etooo... just got home from my training (i have boxing training every morning for like 2 to 3 hours) and i'm kinda dead tired from it but even though i'm tired, it's a nice feeling that i can exercise everyday just to keep me healthy. anyway, i had this dream where i was kissing this girl but i couldn't make out her face. its been the same dream over and over again since last week. every time that i take a power nap or just sleep for the night, i see myself kissing her. her face is very very familiar but when i wake up and try to remember who she is, it gets sooo fuzzy until i cant see her clearly. i dunno if its funny or not, but every time that i dream about her, its all about kissing her. it feels sooo real. its like her lips are really touching mine and somehow i can feel it.... its super wierd. i hope that soon i can find out what it means... im having sleepless nights coz after i wake up from that dream, i can't sleep anymore... can anyone help me on that??? please??? dream interpreter???

down to another topic.... chapter two is almost done.. so i really need a beta for it... any volunteers? i think that i really need someone else s' opinion on it since i've been hibernating for over a yr. sssooo umm thats it.. thank you!

haven't written something here for a very long time. i mean after my depression.

got home from my medical check up( need it for work). they tested me for drugs, chest x-ray, and cbc.. speaking of cbc! holy crap! the needle that they used on my was really long! it may just be me or something but it was really long and it hurts! im really afraid of having injections coz i have some sort of trauma from it.. (been to the hospital too many times) so yeah.. i think im gonna join the work force soon.

been reading again.. latest book is "the unbearable lightness of being" by MILAN KUNDERA. My Turkish friend recommended it to me and so far its a good read. its about a man who can't let go of his old ways of sleeping around with different women even though he has a wife already. haven't read through the whole book though so i have to wait and see on how interesting its gonna be. anyways.. i've been trying to get into my writing again. i know i haven't written anything for like AGES so i have to research (meaning watch MAI HIME again) to continue what i have started a year ago. so maybe i need a beta person soon to correct me on my ongoing story. and take note it still doesn't have a title yet.. i have to think about that too.

ok good stopping point here and back to reading fanfics.. dinner anyone?

four months. four long months. i haven't seen your face or heard your voice for the longest time. i thought i was finally getting over you, but i thought wrong. i'm still dreaming about you almost every night and i still cry when i wake up. the pain is still there and the wound that you left is still fresh and it hurts so bad that i can't keep myself from crying. i know its pathetic of me to still miss you because im sure that your already over me... but i'm not over you.

everyday i tell myself that i gotta be strong... that i have to move on for my sake but its hard. its easier said than done. for almost four years we have been together sharing everything. you were my best friend,my lover and my strength.i have done everything that you have asked of me. i changed myself for you, i even turned my back on my family for you. now that i don't have you in my life, i don't know what to do anymore. my heart is shattered into a million pieces and i don't know if i can piece it back together again. i don't know if im going be whole again.

my friends told me that someday, somehow i will heal. they told me that time will heal my wounds and before i realize it, i won't yearn for you anymore. but no matter what they say, may it be comforting or encouraging, it doesn't change the fact that you left me crying and hurt. After you left me, i have tried everything. i didn't eat for almost a month, and im always drunk from alcohol every night. i thought if i do that the pain will somehow go away and numb me. i don't want to feel the pain. the pain that was crippling me to the core.

they told me that i have changed. that i wasn't my old self anymore. i wasn't smiling and my eyes doesn't seem to be alive anymore. but who would be happy if your life turned upside down in an instant? when the one you love left you broken into pieces? i always ask myself everyday, what went wrong? haven't i love you enough? is it something that i have done?. your best friend told me not to ask those questions anymore because i'll just drive myself crazy. it was driving me crazy.

i want you back in my life. i want you in my arms and hug you tight. kiss your lips again and hear you voice saying my name. i miss you so much baby. i really miss you. im still inlove with you baby. please... but i know, no matter how much i cry and wish upon the stars, even if i kneel and beg in front of you, you will never come back to me. i will never hear you say that you love me ever again.

now, i have to bare the pain alone. maybe it was meant to be this way... i have promised you before that i will be by your side until you don't want me anymore. even though it hurts me, i'll stay away. this is me still accepting your decision. showing you that i still love you in every way that i can.

I love you...

it's been a while. hmmm better to start things with something new. so i went to my girl's school to pick her up and i have noticed that every time that i go to both campuses (they have two separate buildings) i notice that they have recently put up a cork board and it has this question: "what do you think of GMA'S SONA?".. so for hose guys who doesn't know what GMA stands for, it an abbreviation of our current president's name Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.. SONA meaning State Of The Nation Address. so basically What she says In The Sona is what is the Current state of the country and what she has achieved from the past year and what she plans to do until the next year.

i was so intrigued by the question. i soo wanted to write something on that board and have a little bit of space so that i can voice out my opinion. there was no no catch or anything like that. it just wanted you voice to be heard or to exercise your freedom of speech. 'coz we all know if your a filipino, you would probably have an inkling to write something too. but the thing is, i was not a student of that university, so i can not write or post something there but i still have my journal to write on.

we all know or most of us know that the current president of the Philippines is not the most celebrated at all. she is the most unpopular president since 1986. right now, her government is considered as the most corrupt government of all time. there are cases of impeachment against her left and right. it's a breather for her that you can only file a case of impeachment once a year and it's a first come first serve basis. so only one person can file against the President and it would probably take years before there would be a trial.

during her SONA there were protesters left and right outside of the house of representatives demanding her to step down from the office. others had placards advertising that the previous president to be elected again on the june 2010 elections(thats not a good idea and i hope it never happen). her speech includes the following: 1.creating over 6 million jobs for the Filipino people. 2.of course, creating more buildings, schools, chairs for the Filipino Youth. 3. budget of the country. 4. transportation. 5. electricity and water. 6. housing for the poor 7.development of clark and subic to be the best logistics center. 8. peace process. 9. automation of elections.

what can we say about that? that's a lot of stuff to accomplish and she has given her self only a year to complete most of them. there are some people who think that she is the most evil entity in this lifetime. they say that she is the most corrupt. they say that we are poor now because of her. but i don't think so. i'm not saying this because i'm on her side and i'm no political expert either. i'm just saying that it's not only her to blame. if the government is corrupt, it's not only her. i think the people behind her is to blame. for example she tries to do something good,but the second that she does, another politician will say that they have an exposé against her husband that states that her husband was stealing money from the government again. from the lowest kind of government official to the highest, they always ask for money if you need something from them. i think that the people around her are corrupt so it reflects on her and the people blame her. but what are we really doing to stop the corruption in our country? other politicians always put the limelight to the first family. saying that they are the devil and they are doing this and that. but we all know that they are just doing this because they have their own fucking agenda.they also want to step into power so they can collect big. i think what they should do is think of the people more. how will the people benefit from their actions? most of the time this slip their minds. the only think about how can they collect big and how to fill their pockets with the people's taxes. and if she steps down from office who will take over? another corrupt politician? another actor?

what are the people are doing about this? we corrupt our politicians more because we always bribe them with money. what do you think will happen if we stop bribing them? will this start a chain reaction? i think that if we want to change our country, we should stop yapping about it and start doing something about it. and if we really want change, we should first change ourselves. not for the worst but for the better. think about our country. you may think that if you change a little it wouldn't go a long way. but atleast it's a start.


GMA AS darna

Hi!! i havn't posted anything here in a while. been busy with my internship and life.. but most of the time its work. it's an 8 to 5 sched and no time to rest afterwards. i'm not even really starting to work, but i already bring work home. and when my mom found out that i was bringing work home, she got really pissed. she told me that i shouldn't be doing that coz the company is not even paying me to do work. they wont even appreciate it even if i finish early or not.

in other news, because of this internship, me and my wifey has been seeing each other every other day and she's really dissapointed with that kind of setting. because we use to see each other every day and a sudden change of schedule pissed her off at an instant. we started having fights because of it. i hope she understands that i'm not really going to school any more and i'm really doing this for the both of us. i really want to make good of my internship so hopefully i can be absorbed by that company and make a living for the both of us (am i dreaming? why am i saying thse suff?) i sound like that i'm gonna marry her huh? well, we have talked about it... and if it goes well between us, maybe, just maybe... we will have a life together in the near future...we even started to talk about babies (that scared the shit out of me!) i don't think hat i'm ready to have that kind of stuff yet. oh well that's just wishful thinking right? oh yeah! i almost forgot that i want to post some pictures here. well i just want to share whatever pictures i have for the past how many months? 6 or 7 months?
so follow the cut or sumthing (by the way, it's the first time i'm going to use lj cut. so forgive me for any mistakes)

( pictures and pictures )

any way, i have to go now so i can take a bath and go see my baby!! weeee! i love saturdays!!

i'm sick today. i can't go out because i don't feel well. i have my fever and runny nose and this has been going on forever and i'm almost out of tissue paper :(. i don't know when will it stop or if i will ever get better soon because i seem to have relapses. its like my fever is sometimes there and then it will be gone. the doctor said i should rest but i can only afford to be absent from school for just one day or i'll be falling behind. i really need to go school if i want to pass my subjects this term and i'm not willing to repeat them after my internship. thats a lot of money down the drain so i don't want that. i can't even see my gurlfriend today. and she scolded me for not taking care of myself. she told me that i should know the limit of my own body and know when it's time to rest. now i'm suffering from a lot of head ache. i hate having fever and flu and being absent... i wish i can get better. like right now... oh well i'll just look at the brighter side of things. i can watch every anime and l word episode that i want hehehehehehee!!

was watching this on youtube.com it was funny when scarlett johansson only stared at natalie portman when she was talking. it was like she was getting ready to kiss her any time hehehe :D



another video and song that i like."no air" by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown







leona lewis

week end i didn't have any sleep at all because i was doing my presentation for market research so i didn't have any sleep for over 40 hours. it was worth it because i didn't get out of the room as "chopped liver" so it only means that i have endured and survived the torture of the panelist and got a high mark for that presentation(yay for me!!) tomorrow night i will be going out with my girl to go drinking with some friends i hope that i won't be drunk too early so i can go home with out the wobbly feet... thats all for now nyt nyt :D "INUMAN NA PARE!!"

good news!! good news!!! i was told today at school that i would be an intern next term!! weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this only means that i would be graduating soon from college!! yay!! when i heard about it from the very mouth of my school's placement officer it was like new year all over again and it went off with a big bang!! i can't wait!

3:30 in the morning.. it's already sunday and i can't sleep.. i've tried every position that i think i'm going to be comfortable with sleeping. but nothing happens!!!! i've been twisting and turning... i'm going to be awake until 5.. i wanna sleep!! i need the sandman or something.

after a week at school and 4 hours of commuting everyday... i happily welcome the weekend so i can rest and rest and rest. yay!!!

so here's the thing. i went to my girlfriend's place so i can spend time with her because she doesn't have class today. in exchange i gave up one school day and one important class just to be with her because she has been nagging me that i don't have enough time for her. and to think we see each other everyday. so i spend the whole day with her and i was expecting her to spend time with me too, coz hey, she's the one who requested it. but boy was i damn fucking wrong! she was only studying the whole day. damn it! i was sitting on the bed watching tv looking like an idiot the whole freaking day and the whole time she was in front of her computer researching and stuff. i even sat beside her and tried to have a conversation with her but the response was like this(0_0)......??.so i told her never mind and i'm gonna sleep for a few minutes. i can understand that she has a lot to do but she could have given me the time of the day to have her all to myself. because i made some effort here. i live far away from her place and all i got was a blank response and an empty day.. dam it! it's really frustrating!

just got my early christmas present from my mom and dad! a new phone and a new laptop! woooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its been a while since i have written anything in here. i have been really been busy with school,family,business, and love. i practically don't have time for myself anymore. my class starts at around 8:00 a.m. so i have to wake up at around 5:45 a.m. to reach school on time. i have to commute for two hours riding two trains and a jeepney. its really tiring coz everyday is a race and i have to be mentally and physically alert even though i soooo want to sleep in my comfy bed and mountain of pillows. after a day at school i go straight to her house and spend a few hours there. but even in her house i can't rest because she will be nagging me about it. after that i i go to my office and spend some time there then i go hme at around 1:00 a.m.... its really hard to juggle everything.especially when your tryying to juggle thing that require your full attention and time.

i wish i could spend time with myself. no worries. no anything. no school work.no deadlines to meet. no demands. I WANT PARADISE!!!

ok i'm realy pissed at myself right now coz i can't upload the videos that i'm suppose to upload at veoh.com. i'm having a problem with the copyright thing. and i've tried almost every method that i know. someone help me please....desperate

i have been working on my fic for it's 2nd chapter for almost a week now.. but lately i have been in a very grumpy mood coz school started and i have been fighting with my girl. so the ideas in my head are all jumbled up and in need of some organization.. hmm i never thought that it would be hard to write the 2nd chapter  hehehee. moods ca really affect one's writing style and the flow of the story ofcourse. and most of the time since last week, i have been distracted (got robbed by the atm machine and and lost about 20000,that's about 500 US dollars) so in other words, iv'e been side trackeddue to these events... i hope i can finish the 2nd chapter this weekend...

i just finished reading Deep Love (scanlated by kotonoha) and i cried like a baby!! T_T it's a very sad story.. teen prostitution.. the main character didn't even care for herself in the beginning.. then then then... in short i really cried. some of the issues that were tackled there, affected me personally(maybe because it took a direct hit at me). but i don't really know how hahahaa!! ironic! but i really enjoyed the book and it tackles the issues that the modern society face. we can actually see it everywhere but most people try to ignore it. hands down to the author who made the book!

i have been watching the first 23 episodes of CLAYMORE and it freakin' rocks!! woooooooo!!!!! i have never been this excited over an animè since Evangelion!! god dang it!! why did i fucking wait to long?! woooooooo!!!!!! yey!!!!!!!!!!!!! CLAYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!